Thursday, January 10, 2008

Officially Back-Stabbed

So I was kind of happy this week, despite all my conplaining and teeth grinding and worrying. I was happy because I was making friends in lab. We were hanging out and most people seemed to like me so far.... this was something I had not been able to work on during the semester because of the time constraints.

I am going to start this story from the beginning. A few weeks ago, "Lab girl" pointed out to me that I was not scheduled to present infront of the institute (there are these weekly meetings that the institute holds and some miserable student or post doc presents and gets asked questions as if it were their Qual). I told her not to tell the administration anything because I had to teach this semester and I had just started looking for a new project. She told me that she was going to say it any ways. I thought she was kidding but I warned her not to say anything.
All the sudden Today Lab girl comes to me and tells me that she told them that I was not presenting. And that now I had to take 1/2 her time at presenting.
So here I am. I have no project. I am exhausted. People are trying to push me out of the project that I have kille my self for. I have to teach some spoil stupid brats some immunology and I have to somehow prepare for my Quals.

It is not the fact that I have to do the presentation that depresses me. It is the fact that I got back stabbed and now. Well now I have to spend energy avoiding the fuck out of this hook worm (the person I am refering to as lab girl)....
Why? Why do people think it is okay to piss me off? Why? Why in the world do they look for my fury?

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

My PI only eats Carrots and Diet Coke....

So I am being pushed out of my research project. No one cares whether I want to work on it or not. It is as if time has run out and now I am out of the project.
In the mean time I have at least 2 other projects that I need to know and start working on YESTERDAY.
I was told by another lab member that there are two baskets in this lab. There is the basket in which, if you are in it then the boss likes you, asks you how you are, wants to know about your life, wants to play golf with you, gives you good projects....etc.
But if you are in the bad basket then he just doesn't bother with you... For example, the post doc that has had results in the last 6 months (keep in mind someone optimized everything for her before she arrived in lab), she is in the good basket. But me, the one that has had to optimize everything from Planet Mars to California, the one that has not had results every GOD damn day of her life, Well She goes in the evil basket.
I was told that all I have to do is jump into the good basket. By the time I was done with this conversation all I wanted to do was burn some easter bunnies in a basket. I saw it, I imagined it, I wanted them to suffer as much as I have.
Today I was also told that the more attempts into the good basket without sucess the harder it becomes to go into the good basket. So not only do I have to jump into a basket but I have to do it fast.
OFCOURSE no one explains exactly HOW to get into a good basket.
I guess the thing to do is have someone optimize everything for me first and then show results that are not statistically significant and don't have proper control.

I want to kill someone. I want to burn some bunnies alive and I want to hear them cry while they try to jump from one basket to another.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Join me in being miserable

Well Christmas is over. The new Year is in. Back to being miserable.
Yes..
THere are a million reasons to be miserable. Here are the most important.
1- Christmas is over
2-The New Year is in
3-I am fatter.
4-I have to come up with a Project...by Myself!
5-I have to come up with a Project
6-I still feel so uncomfortable in Lab that I get Migraines and sweat
7-I have to go back to work
8 I have to go back to work
9- I have to go back to work
10- I have 2 days to know everything about my new Pseudoproject
11-I am not allowed to enjoy anything until 2009 because now that my friend has finished Quals I have to begin it.
12- My boss has officially begun to hate me. We've already had 3 NON-beautiful moments.

Join me in being completely miserable.
Can't anyone just shoot me.

Here is how you know if you are miserable.
1-You hate your work
2-You hate yourself
3-You hate the world
4-You want to die

All of these 4 can be covered by the fact that
1-you are a stupid humanbeing that decided to be a GRAD STUDENT!
very very stupid