Ok..So you might think that I over reacted. That is absolutely possible.
But the truth is that I didn't quit graduate school. Something really bad and huge happend in my lab. My boss has been going through hell and I guess he decided that it was time to check and see who or what it was time to get rid of and who was not.
I seriously don't know what possessed me when my co-workers told me that he was thinking of pressuring me to quit graduate school but I met up with him and we talked. We met up again and we talked some more. With the help of a grad student and and a post doc I got my project rolling. If it weren't for the fact that I get so little tissue, I would truly be half way done with this project. Seriously I don't know what came over me, what happend inside or outside of me but everything, all of my experiments started working and making sense. So I think thats one good thing that came out of this whole situation. I cried my eyes out for quite a while and decided that instead of quitting graduate school I would stick it out, get my degree, and then after graduating, decide what is it that I REALLY truly wanted to do with my life whether that be science or art, or fashion or architecture.
Sigh....
So much to think about. The few things I am sure about now is that, I want to wear my wedding dress next year to a real good party, I want to be pregnant immediately after that party, I want a house or a home to call mine, and I want to revive the artist/writer in me. God do I miss art. I feel like I've been lost in a black hole where art could not survive and I've tried to get myself out but the force is so crazy, and at the same time, slowly but surely this all has destroyed me. Can I be a good scientist? I think the last 5 months have certainly slapped everyone who thought naught into their senses. Has graduate school stolen every creative idea I ever had about science? No, but it is certainly near that point.
I've always thought about life like a straight hallway with many doors along the way to choose from. Up to now I feel, I've only entered 2 doors that have taken me away from the main path. Now I want to basically graduate as soon as possible and give myself the chance of picking whatever door I see desirable.
Frase aplicable de Krishnamurti...
2 days ago