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Okay bloggies, I heard that alot of you guys couldn't post any comments because you had to be logged into google. I took that restriction off so comment away.

;)

Everyday

Everyday I get surprised by how much I am loving this thing called grad school. I don't even want to admit it really, just in case the evil gnomes read this blog and start making my "lab life" miserable again by messing everything up.

Anyways yeah I love lab! I just love it. Everytime I have a very busy day, those days in which I can't eat, I hardly get any sleep, I miss class, those days are just the best. NO matter how much I kick and scream and cry and how many nightmares I have over it.
Today I was in lab harvesting PKR knock out cells that I trasfected with Dengue dsRNA. Isn't that just the coolest thing you've ever read? YEAH baby.... My job is SUPER cool... I love it.
Anyways. I was reading papers and for the first time in my life I actually was looking forward to them. I was searching for papers for my secondary qualifying exam ideas. I have two and I have to work on them....
So yesterday I gave Dr. Liu my MOCK Grant. It feels good to know a lot about HCMV and HIV co-infection. I mean it is not like I am an expert but it feels good to have all this knowlege kind of like what a car would feel when the tank gets filled up. I swear my car drives better after I fill it with gas.
My qualifying is supposed to be next year around this time. Everybody thinks I am nuts because I am already preparing for it. As far as I know, I am not super smart, I am a slow reader, so I have to start reading for this.
In the mean time, I have to start reading for all my work in the current lab so that I can understand everything and not get as nervouse as I got in the last lab meeting I gave. Besides I have to reach the heights of impression that Maria left....
In the mean time, I have to prepare for my interview with the UCSF professor.
I guess I am high from all the work I did today.
I got in at 9:10 am and got out at 9 pm.... What a day.

P.S. there is a smile of satisfaction coming from me that is as bright as the sun!

How to work while you are terribly sick, miss a wedding, do a GOOD presentation, and Pass a test with a GOOD score in 2 weeks!!!!

So my little bloggies..... I know it has been some time since I've posted any complaints about my life and career and you guys must have been crying by now...Well no fear cause I am back.
My little support group has grown. It has grown from us "the three musketeers", Maria, me, and David to also Sheri. We are thinking of adopting Tania but we'll see.... We can only adopt so many people at a time into our group.
Sheri is awesome. She is actually normal. She cries when she has too much to do. Some things actually do not work out for her. Her boss treats her like shit. Did I metion that she is normal? So yeah she is just like the rest of us. She gets ostracized for some things she says. And she is super funny. I especially love the way she speaks to David.
I have not spoken of David much but he is awesome too. He is very sweet, smart, and he has all these strange but hilarious gestures and phrases he pops out all of the sudden.
I might as well knock on wood here but, sigh, I finally, in my life, have found a group of people that have up to 5 things in common with me, maybe even more.
Conclusion to this social experiment in Isa's life: Life is good.
Yep! I finally have friends. I know it seemed as impossible as the cure for HIV but there lies the proof that NOTHING is impossible. And even if your life has been a living hell that not even movies on HBO would depict, it just CAN NOT rain every day man.
Anyways I will stop being sappy here. I missed my friend's wedding! I am so sorry for that cause her wedding was in a very romantic beautiful place and also because I was looking gorgeous to go to the wedding. BUT we live in GODAMN San Francisco where Americans built the most whiny narrow high rodes in the WORLD. I got so car sick we ended up going home, me and Carlos. I actually had mascara on...HELLO!
Me and Carlos had a serious scary discussion the day I got car sick. It was so relieving at the end. I ended up understanding a lot more about him and I think vice versa. We'll see how that plays out... We were talking about life goals. How mine are a little far fetched. If he thinks I have extreme dreams and goals now then imagine if we would have gotten married younger...HAHAHAH! I mean there was a time in which I actually wanted a castle in Spain! HELLO! (uhm just a note, i've never been to Spain)

Anyways on another note. We were supposed to do this mock grant presentation, for virology class, and I believe I kicked ass! Sam (some day I will speak of Sam, just know that he is as evil as SPAM){that was a good one hehehe i am fallin on my ass} kept asking questions and I just kept answering them. My boss asked me like 2 questions. I heard him groaning at some of my slides but then again he also laughed and in the history of UC Berkeley that IS a big accomplishment. Cause some say he doesn't have that flexible of a sense of humor. I wonder how terrible I really did cause I feel like he doesn't tell me how bad my presentations are...do you know what I mean?
Now I have to write the paper for it and I am so scared to dissapoint my boss. And here I am procrastinating.

I started a new lab. About that, all I have to say is, I miss my old lab SO MUCH it hurts. I miss them SOOOOOO much! I feel like I moved to a foreign country. :( Tell me this feeling will pass.

Okay enough, I love you guys!
Just remember: It can't rain all the time!!!!!!!

Happier times....Happier places

How did the big boys do it?
Here I am in a Ph.D program. I never thought I would make it this far. There were so many times I tried to stop my self from getting anywhere near successful. Cause you see, unsuccessful, well that is easy to deal with. I mean I know how to do unsuccesful, hell that is all I've ever seen in my life. All you have to do to be properly unsuccessful is "be miserable and blame everybody around you". That is easy.

Now I am near and it is so scary, so overwhelming. I still feel like I'm completely over my head.
There was one time, we went to this undergraduate research conference for minority and the chair of the NIH program got on the microphone. He said that when he was in grad school he would wake up, look at himself in the mirror after a shower (I hope), and he would greet himself "Good morning Doctor".. I guess that was a way for him to get himself accustomed to the idea that one day he would be a big time Ph.D.
I tried his method 2 times. I ended up falling on my ass laughing...both times.

But here I am, just struggling with everything, lab, class, papers, presentations, vacations, health.
Next week I have a presentation. The week after that I have a test and a wedding to go to. And then the week after that I have another presentation. Somewhere in between all this I am supposed to start another rotation and Don't forget the mock grant I have to write.
OH GOD! overwhelming..... I had a nightmare last night in which for some reason I couldn't figure out I decided to start taking Bacterial Pathogenesis now! I was sooooooooo stressed out. Even in my dreams I am stressed out.

When we are in traumatic situations we tend to make our thoughts roll into a happier time into a better place. Right now my place is that fantasy me and Carlos have. The one where we buy a house in Capri near the water, and we buy a little boat. Carlos goes fishing everyday, brings back dinner. I stay at home or go manage the little cofee shop we have with our daughter. Ahhhhhh....Big long sigh.. That is so much better. I can almost feel the sun on my face. I can almost hear the ocean waves...oh wait that it the centrifuge... Got to go folks.
Bye