Why we need to LET go.

Hey! This entry is more for all the women I know that have had a LOT of trouble letting go...

Some weeks ago, I watched a movie about Camille Cloudel. Camille was the lover of Rodin and at the same time a fine sculptor herself. She was the one that did most of the work on his sculptures. She was his pupil. At the time it was very common for artists to have pupils doing most of the work and then them coming in to put their last minute “genious” into the work. This is very close to what happends between a lot of PI's and their Post Docs.. They had a very intense and wonderful affair but Rodin was married with multiple children. In the end Camille got pregnant and had an abortion. When she asked Rodin to marry her she got nothing back but rambling. In his last exhibition before she left him, everyone knew that the one to praise was her.

And after that, the story is ultra sad really. Here was this talented artist that could have surpassed the very Rodin but instead she wallowed in their break up for so long so deeply that in the end she ended up turning into a schizophrenic paranoid freak.
This is what the movie depicted.
It was painful to watch her waste away her talents on a love that could have never been. I myself don’t understand women that attempt anything with married men.

Camille was institutionalize for 20 years of her life from how crazy she got for a love that never was. It is so hard I know, but sometimes we just can't trust our hearts, we have to go with our brain cells. In the end you have to ask your self what do I want? Do I want to keep wallowing in this or do I want to make new stories, new events in my life.

I for one, have to say that I am ultra glad I chose the latter. I never thought it would turn out this good. When I threw away the Rodin in my life, I became a zombie for 3 years! To actually look at the current relationship and see NOTHING, absolutely NOThing wrong? I never could have imagined that before. It just couldn't possibly get better.

I've seen women that haven't let go. I saw, many times the alternative, the "Camille" pathway. In fact when I was watching this movie I remembered how close I HAD been to Camille's situation. I could have easily gone schizophrenic and gone into an institution. It is easy really. This option is the easy way. Because to let go it takes tons of energy it takes time. Going nuts, feeling sorry for yourself, and wallowing doesn't take any effort at all. It is what your heart wants you to do, it is what your body wants to do and it is what your mind can do at the time.

Going to work, getting that degree you always wanted, trying to imagine some one new touching you, working on a new relationship, THAT takes EFFORT, that takes STRENGTH. And it is just SO worth it, so BEYOND worth it. Just try it. Only, you must remember, it took ME 3 years!!!! So this is not going to happen overnight. Nothing good in life happends overnight. Except maybe a capture antibody in an ELISA. And even that sometimes just turns out shitty.

See you later kitties.