Poor Little Grad student

The terrified graduate student tried to get as many results and experiments working as possible. Then she got bumped off the project. "I will come up with a new project myself," she thought, but when she went to the professor and presented it, he rejected the project.
So she thought I must come up with another one.
Again 3 months later she found herself at his office and again he rejected her project except that this time he actually gave her one. Only problem was that this project was already someone elses.
She spoke to the post doc to whom the project belonged to. They both agreed it was ok that she worked on this project. They agreed to help eachother out to not be paranoid about the project adn just work together.
The graduate student felt very nervous about the new situation. What if the post doc, the only one that seemed to be friendly with her turned out not to be her friend anymore?

Surely enough a few months later she saw her ideas being used in other experiments being twisted a little so that they were not quite her ideas. She tried to ask the post doc what was going on but the post doc denied everything.
She decided that she was being too paranoid and crazy and that it she was wrong.

A few months later the post doc told her that he would try to do an experiment in her project.
But it is my project not your anymore. Why would you want to do an experiment thats not for your project.
The post doc tried to convince the graduate student that in academia it was common for multiple people to be doing the same things, same projects, same experiments. And that getting scooped is a beautiful part of science.
The graduate student just didn't buy it so she finally got the nerve to go up to her professor and ask him to round up a meeting with the post docs to tell them what her project was and why.
They met.
The graduate student cried for days completely confused, suicidal. She was so stressed she ate a cheeseburger with fries.
God kept patting her back telling her some day everything would be okay again.
"But God I have to start writing my proposal. What the HELL am I supposed to be writing about?"
Not even God could answer such a question.
She went to the Devil,
"Devil what should I do? Im assuming you have been watching this."
"Yes little graduate student I have. The truth is that I dont' know what to do with you. See I wanted you to come to hell so that I could steal your soul and make you suffer but you are in your own HELL and no one should suffer as much as you are."
"Devil I am not interested in my soul right now. What can I do about my pH.D career?!"
"Well you can blow up the building where you work at. That way you'll come down to hell and be at least a little bit more comfortable than suffering in lab."

The graduate student went back to lab and pippette away and read papers and kept working. When will these problems end?

Progress

I have 1/2 of an experiment working.
I worked out 5 miles on Saturday, 700 calories off.
I worked out 400 calories off on Sunday.
I have reviewed DNA replication, Transcription, and Translation.
I have been commanded to write an outline by the end of the week.
Start writing an Introduction and make appointments with all my Qual members by the end of next week.
I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day.... I wish there were 5 hours to every day that I could just lock myself in a room and study. It has been really difficult to find these hours.
It felt sooooo good to get a few milliliters of results.

YEY!

Dear Kitties,

I had a talk with my PI last week and as I usually feel after talking to him, I feel sooooo super re-energized and much more focused!
Here are a list of GOOD things that happend in the meeting.
1) He told me I needed to start studying for Qual.
2) He told me that I was a smart person and that right now all I needed was perserverence.
3) He told me I am not a postdoc so stop trying to be one or comparing myself to them.
4) I told him what was my Back Up plan if my first project fails. It felt great telling him my own ideas and him approving of them. yooopeee!
5) I told him how I REALLY felt about the lab. So now he knows whats wrong with me.
6) He realized I was depressed and frustrated without me telling him anything and the reason why this conversation happend was because HE asked me to meet with him.
7) On several occasions he told me he understood why I was so disillusioned and depressed.


This week I've been doing a million experiments.. I don't know if it is all the merengue I've been listening to on Itunes in the P3, the music CD I brought from my Moms, or the the meeting itself, or the fact that I have lab meeting next week but I feel like a million bucks!
Which has made me wonder, why do my emotions have to be soooo extreme? Am I manic depressive? Cause I have NO problem taking medicine if that is what I need. They often say that Manic depressive people don't take their medicines because the HIGHS feel so good...
Well not for me. The highs are soooo rare.... that they are not worth risking the lows..
Well I guess I'll soon find out when if I ever start therapy.

But for now.... YEY------------!