Chats and Lovers

In todays world where everything runs 10ox's as fast as anything back in the 1800's what is one to do? Are we really equipped and mentally prepared to handle all this technology?
Well here is an example of what happends when 2 very busy souls such as my husband I are trying to chat about things we need to get done. Here is what happends when people try to do 4 things at the same time and 100's times as fast.
I am officially pasting a chat we had this morning. I hope you can understand it, see the mistakes, and enjoy it. I certainly laughed like crazy.

10:36 AM what are u doing?

me: nothing

waiting for class.

carlos: ohh

10:37 AM I need some cooffe

me: go get some

hey so how do you want to buy this new cell phone

are we going to buy a brand new one?

10:38 AM carlos: it all depends, we can get a new phone for you very discounted if we do another 2 year contract

or 1 year contract for a little more

or we can get a phone from ebay

but it all depends on what phone you want

so that's why I want to goto the store so you can see phones and so we can ask the person

10:39 AM me: we'll see.

10:40 AM so i am very dissapointed in us. we didn't look for hotels or anthing last night

carlos: uhm we where very tired

it happens

me: this can not continue

carlos: I know ur looking in san fran, but I got an email from red oak with some new listings

http://www.idxre.com/idx/co/searchProfileMatches.cfm?cid=1&pc=RES&sr=1&gsr=1&fe=115&sd=09/27/2006&ed=09/27/2007&mi=newListings&CFID=108607&CFTOKEN=29737819

me: baby

10:41 AM do you remember

Dee's phone?

it used to be tiny

carlos: this weekend I think I'm going to buy a slow cooker, this way we can leave meals cooking through out the day while we're at work, and they'll be ready when we're home , that'll help

yeah I remember

hold let me show u some phones

10:42 AM me: I already told you we have a slow cooker....

i guess we can buy another.

carlos: where do we have a slow cooker ?

me: uhm in the bathroom right under the toilet. yeah (isa being sarcastic)

carlos: huh?

HUH???

me: me: baby
do you remember
Dee's phone?
it used to be tiny

10:43 AM carlos: stop pasting old stuff baby and read my replies

http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/store/controller?item=phoneFirst&action=viewPhoneOverviewByDevice&deviceType=Phones&sortOption=priceSort

now LISTEN

me: your reply to the phone was the slow cooker

10:44 AM carlos: first , what the hell are you talking about a slow cooker under the toilet ?

second look at the link I just sent you for the phones

me: i was already looking at that site

carlos: and just tell me the one you like

just tell me the one you like

me: GOD DAMMIT

PAY ATTENTION and answer my question with words

carlos: http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/store/controller?item=phoneFirst&action=viewPhoneDetail&selectedPhoneId=2829&changingCompletedOrder=

10:45 AM me: i know you put up a site. I was already looking at that

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

carlos: ugh , you're frustrating me a little baby

me: same here

listen to me

stop pasting the site

carlos: LISTEN FOR ONE MINUTE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

me: i only have a few minutes left

carlos: I did not paste the the same link

10:46 AM click on the links before you talk honey

I was showing a specifc phone in the last link I pasted

10:47 AM did you see it?

me: well you should tell me that I can't read your mind. and you still haven't said anything about my question about Dees phone do you remember it or not? it is not that hard of a question. I am going to look at the last link right now OKAY?

carlos: I did answer the question

I said yes I did remember

me: i don't like how that phone looks

okay

10:48 AM what brand was that phone?

i think i want that one.

:(

carlos: and from now on PLEASE when I paste a link, for anything in the future ... even the link looks the same PLEASE don't assume that it's the same , this is why our chat conversations get frustrating when we're showing stuff

that phone is an lg phone

10:49 AM me: well before pasting links please PLEASE answer my questions with words so that the conversation can be smoother. PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEE!

okay now.

carlos: but I did answer

if you look back

(10:41:41) Carlos Munoz: yeah I remember

10:50 AM at 10:41 I pasted that

when you asked me

and you still have not explained about the slow cooker under the toilet

me: the phone that you said was an LG. were you talking about Dee's phone being an LG?

me: me: baby
do you remember
Dee's phone?
it used to be tiny

carlos: but moving on - what don't you like about that phone? the color or the shape

me: I asked you way before that carlos.

carlos: jesus crist

listen

10:51 AM don't type

just read

teh following

me: uhm okay yes i am waiting

10:52 AM carlos: I REMEMBER DEES PHONE IT WAS TINY YES I GET IT
her phone was nokia brand , if I remember correctily
the pink phone that I showed is an LG phone (the way you posted your question it made it seem like that's what you where asking)

me: i have to go in 5 minutes!

carlos: now please answer this:

what about that pink phone did u not like ?

the shape or color ?

me: I ALREADY TYPED THAT I DIDNOT REPEAT DID NOT LIKE THE PHONE!

you need to start reading also.

10:53 AM carlos: ok, go through the verizon site - and just email me whatever phone you like honey

10:54 AM me: great thanks...

10:55 AM I'll talk to you laters.

carlos: ok bye bye

have fun in class

10:56 AM me: bye

Surviving the Retreat

Some time in the past my department decided to create a "retreat". Usually in retreats, either the faculty presents the latest in their field of research or the students along with the post docs and professors do it.
In our retreat is structured so that only the students of our department present and get tortured by the faculty. Basically the hotel in which we stay in is very far away and the rode over there is designed so that everybody including the driver can get car sick. We all feel like throwing up by the time we get there because of the squigly rodes. There is absolutely no cell phone or internet acess in this place. And you are not allowed to bring family members. Then after that 80% of the students feel sick for 2 days either because they've been tortured, they someone else get tortured, or they know they are going to get tortured. No one even has the energy to party. So this retreat is a perfectly designed to torture the students.

Anyways this was my second time in this retreat. The first time I didn't have to present because I still had not begun researching. So this was my first time getting tortured by the professors. All this year (all the way from the first time i went last year) I've been thinking that I would fail this task. I just didn't see any way I could survive this. I mean really, the terrorist have nothing compared to this.

Hours before your presentation, you feel nauseus, your stomach feels empty but at the same time it hurts, it feels like it is out of place like if you want to take it out. Your knees shake and you will feel that you will faint. You have a piercing headache that defies aspirin, no matter how much extra strenght you put into it. Drinking water makes you feel like you've drowning. Sometimes images merge and you walk weird cause you are having a dizzy spell. You have hot flashes. Everytime a student presents and it gets tortured your heart pumps like if it is actually going to escape your chest. You do not get any sleep because the walls are so thin. There are loud weird birds outside. Your bed board creeks more than a mouse being cut into pieces without anesthesia while alive. You get maybe2 hours of sleep. You dream about that one last student that cried like a pig being killed "eeeeee! eeeeee! eeee!"
You eat breakfast and the cofee gives you a false sense of hope but then it wears off as soon as you get into the conference room. You take a look around trying to think "these are just humans there is only so much they can do to me" but spontaneous tears escape your eyelids and you sit on that chair ready for your doom. Right before you are about to present you feel like you need to pee.

My experience...
I walked up to the board thinking, "I can just run out. But they will all just laugh and know that their tortures, their tricks work. It will only encourage them to continue it." I forgot to say that we are not allowed to present with slides so we have to use markers to draw everything on a paper board. So I turn the last person's board where instead of her drawings with the markers is really her blood. At first I can't get any words out, "Say your name Godammit! If you can say at least your name you will survive"....
I say "Hi! I am Isa." One of the professors, Old-frow looks at me like if I am wrong like if that was the stupidest mistake I've ever done. I second guess myself, I check in my brain for another name but there is none. Only the name Isa comes to mind. So I continue I give my presentation. Then there comes the questioning session. The lights seem to dim except for one. I am having a hot flash again. My heart is pumping like if I had just ran 3 miles in 3 seconds. 3 People raise their hands. I answer their questions. Then all the sudden I answer a controversial question and then 12 people raise their hands. I am about to throw up but instead I answer and then all the sudden I just want to sit down. All the symptoms go away. The stomaches, the nausea. You feel lightheaded and 1/2 way thru the next persons presentation I realize that I survived. Infact when I look back at it I realize I did pretty good.... GOOD? that is impossible... that is defying gravity. That is witnessing the landing of a space ship. That is traveling thru a black hole and living to tell your adventures.
It is not possible something I've been fearing for a year! Something I thought completely impossible? I ask my friends and enemies how I did. Because for a few minutes I believe that it was all an illusion, maybe a dream and now it is the real time for me to present. They all say I did good, my enemies were impressed. I feel happy for 1 hour but then in my head I tell my self this is all a trick, "this is just false hope they gave me so that I will not quit the program and they can save all the torture for next year." They will catch me at my weakest moment.



I look back at the way Old frow looked at me right before I sat down, those frozen dark green eyes they said, "Next time Isa, Next time!" At the moment I am thinking this I am driving back home and the nausea kicks back in, my heart again wants to get out of my body. I scream like if I have woken up from a terrible nightmare. My friends ask me what is wrong. I almost drive us off the cliff screaming instead I pause the car right on the edge. I start crying unconsolobly and Sheri comforts me patting me on the back and saying, "Oh the same thing happend to me last year when it was my first time. It is okay. I know how you feel. I am sorry I failed you I didn't tell you to run away when you interviewed. I am so sorry. Now you are just stuck here with us in this petri dish full of algar and there is nothing you can do about it they will mutate you. They will make you resistant to all the antibiotic and you will be in the end a clone of THEM" Both me and Maria cry repeatly, "We don't want to be like them we don't want to be like them."
We go home and I don't feel human again, until I see Carlos.

Very important note: Only the last paragraph is fiction, "I did not almost drive us off the rode.." Everything else is completely true!!!!!!

The Graduate Student has a Home

So today I gave my first lab presentation. I was very stressed out about this presentation because most of the people in the lab are post docs. So there is a very high expectations factor here.
I was so nervous that I was having nightmares and grinding my teeth at night. Then today i was sooo tired that I just couldn't help it anymore. So I did calm down. I presented, I had trouble with words but not too many I think. The coolest thing was that when the PI thought that I didn't know the answer to something he would ask the post-doc, but I would interrupt and answer. That was the coolest part.
When I brought up my acknowlegement slide I thanked the PI for letting me work in his lab. I said you know it is very rare for a Berkeley student to be working here. I thanked the rest of the lab.
And the PI said, "Well we certainly appreciate you being here we know that it is must be extra hard having to commute here, especially with classes."
I wanted to melt.... That was beautiful moment #2 with this PI.
Then after that slide came my announcement, "I am staying in the lab."
The lab applauded softly and one of them said, "I called that one."
I said, "I didn't do that much of a good job at keeping it secret."
After the presentation another post doc said, good job. My post-doc gave me a thumbs up.
And then my PI said, "that was a good presentation Isa." Beautiful moment #3!
I said thank you , of course...
And then I felt an urge to get the experiments right. To get results, to get the project going...
Now here I am in P3..... Splitting my cells.

Nothing and Everything...

There are so many things happening that sometimes I just sit down for a few minutes and watch the world. It is amazing how fast things move.
Just a year ago I was starting my first semester of graduate school and I was worried about everything. Graduate school teaches you soooooo much. But most of what it teaches is outside of the classroom outside of the lab. With me, it has taught me just so many things. Things that everyone in my life pointed out about my personality, good and bad. For the first time there is a force that is not allowing me to ignore these qualities of the way I am and the way things are.
There is no little rock to hide under and lie to others or myself...
What do I mean with all this babbling?

Well for the first time, as I've said before, I have friends. Now that I have friends and don't want to loose them. Sometimes I force myself to stop talking about my self centered self and to allow them to talk. I force myself to try to see things the way they do to take their perspective of things so that I can better advice them for what would make them happy. These skills have taken soooooo long to develop, they are still in process actually. I have realized that in order to be friends we don't have to have the same opinions. Then there is the patience. And allowing them to make their own mistakes and realize them. There have been a few times I've had to stick my foot right in my mouth so I've learned to reduce the judgments....

At the same time there have been some professional lessons. I can do presentations but need to work on them more. I can write a grant. I can pass a hard class with a B and I can do it all on my own.

Slowly but surely I am realizing the amount of strength I have.

So finally I am almost done with my 3rd rotation. Here I am at UCSF. A well recognized Medical and Graduate School indeed. I never planned on going to UCSF. I feel like a pebble in the middle of the Niagara falls. I never wanted to be in a huge prestigious school and all of the sudden that is exactly where I am. You see I was going to do all 3 rotations in Berkeley (not that Berkeley is a peasant's school or anything but I find UCSF harder). But then I found that none of the 2 rotations I had completed quite worked and no one else at Berkeley was even near working on AIDS. At some point someone pointed out to me that I did have the opportunity to try out labs in UCSF. And again, like I said, here I am.

I met with my PI on Wens at 5:10 PM.
He asked, "what did you want to meet and discuss?"
I blurted out, "My staying here"
Oh so you want to stay in the lab?
"Yes, I do."
"What attracted you about our lab?
"You are the most challenging. I feel that in the other labs I would have learned all the techniques known there within months, here I feel I'll spend years and still be challenged"
"Well you certainly don't want to stop learning that is very important. Not learning is like being dead."
I smiled.
"Claudia (the postdoc I work with), has told me that you have some troubles with accuracy?"
The world fell apart in my body.
"Do you feel that you have the best of hands?"
"To be honest sir, no I don't think I have perfect hands it is something I have been working on and will continue to."
"So this has been a struggle?"
"It has been something I have noticed before."
"What is the problem? Do you not concentrate?"
"I don't know. I mean if I would have known I guess I would have fixed it already."
Pause. Me trying to figure out what it is that doesn't let me be a perfect scientist....

"I think it is that I always want to do a million things at the same time and then nothing works out quite the way I need it to."
"I see. Well that is certainly something we can fix."
"Well Isa, I have to say that I have to meet with Claudia again but my preliminary answer is 'Yes' ".
"What?"
"Yes."
"I think that you are a very bright, enthusiastic, energetic girl. People in the lab like you."
"Thank You"

In the mean time I felt like I had been released from the ball and chain of my last boss's words (my boss from New York)...It went something the likes of: Isa, you are completely untalented, you have a horrible attitude, you have no business in the scientific field, I don't know what talents you have... I wish you well.....
Released...Finally....

Someone successful told me I was BRIGHT! LIKABLE! I breathe for 4 minutes the freshest most delicious air in the world. And then the responsibilities, the reality hit me.....

Husbands that Cook go to Heaven!!!

My husband cooks like a God!
We just had his specialty, Tuna, with potato cakes, and rice and the little salsa from which the Tuna was seared....
YUM!
;P