Hookworms, Black Widows, and HIV

So it has been a very long time since my last post. I apologize for my long absence but I have basically been through a lot. First of a girl in the lab betrayed me. She told the administration that I was not scheduled to present for the whole institution where I do research. The reason why they have not scheduled me though is probably because I do not have any data.
That got resolved, I even forgave her.
But then a few weeks after that the post-doc lab manager called me into his office. We had been working together on the 2nd aim of my project. He had been bailing out on me. Like he would tell me you need to do a PCR on this and would not tell me how long what temp what enzyme. So I would have to end up figuring it out on my own. I thought this meeting was going to be about that but instead it was about something else. He told me that I had not produced anything worth looking at in all the time I had been in the lab. This was strange to me due to the fact that my PI had complimented me on my lab presentations 2 times. Then he kicked me out of yet another project I was trying to get going. And he also told me that the post doc officially assigned to me didn't know what I had done or was doing. I was shocked. I was distraught.
For the next 2 weeks after that him and I had ugly unprofessional fights. There was one day that he was so nasty to me that I ended up going home and crying for 2 hours straight. I fell asleep from exhaustion. Carlos tried to calm me down but it didn't work. If it wouldn't have been for Carlos though, I seriously would have committed suicide. Honestly speaking I hope the lab manager(black widow) gets raped by 13 men and that they take his liver out.
But the storms, I think, are settling down. He still says these little nasty comments every time he manages to get me to talk to him. I just ignore him. It is getting to the point where I don't value anything he has to say at all. With all this distress none of my experiments have been working. I mean keep in mind that I am also teaching classes.
My collegues are telling me I should just quit that lab and move to another. As if it were that easy.
What am I going to start doing?
I am going to start meeting with professors at Berkeley. If things get worse I may actually consider getting out of the lab. But I am not a quitter at all so it is going to take a lot to get me out of there.
I was sitting with Sheri in a restaurant yesterday. She was telling me that she knows that I can handle this, that she knows that I am a very strong person. But that it would be a very big shame if I let these people take my love for HIV away. It would be a shame if they stopped me from loving HIV. Sigh Sigh. I wonder if thats already gone. In reality when she said that I was shocked. Cause it had been the first time in quite a while that I realized how much I had given up in this lab.
I remembered how passionate and focused I used to be about HIV. How I had a million research ideas. Now. Well.... Now I have to deal with people telling me that they are not proud of me that they don't like what I do in the lab. That nothing in my personality is good for science etc etc.

Then we started talking about possible new projects for me. And I felt so much better. I finally remembered what it was that I loved about this career, just by talking about projects.

After that I went and met up with my post doc. She is not a bad person at all. We have our differences but in many ways I like her. We sat down, talked about my results, talked about my problems, talked about my qual, and talked about new possible projects. She encouraged me. She complimented me on my third aim. She answered questions.
It was like breathing for the first time in 6 months. Thats another thing I was telling Sheri, I was telling her that I felt like I was a little colorful fish and I swim around the seas saying hi to everyone talking having fun enjoying all the colors and corals and stuff of the sea. Once in a while though I have to come up to the surface for fresh air. I never hurt anyone I am just there to be part of the beautiful picture. And then all the sudden this horrible hurricane came and destroyed all the coral. I can't go up to the surface. I fall down to the bottom of the abyss where I wake up hungry for air and then I only see all of these weird ugly white fish that look like they are from out of space. Now I am trying to swim back up to the surface even though I am 1/2 dead, even though I know most of the fish up there are dead and gone and the coral is destroyed.
That is it, that is how I feel.