The month

Hello kitties,

What a month! So the project I was investigating is basically going down the toilet. And I am soooo super ready to flush it. I mean I am finally ready to let go of the project. So ready I am that for the last 3 weeks I've been searching for my official thesis project and I've been meeting with everyone and talking and reading and reading and reading and reading. I even attended a small symposium in Berkeley and then a talk in UCSF.
The good side of all this is that I am learning so many things about HIV. It feels good to be able to chat with the experts about what happens during infection at the immunological cell level as well as others. I have trying to find a project that fits into the Qual so that by the time I am done finding my thesis project I'll be ready to start writing the proposal for my Qual.
It has not been easy.
This weekend I had to go to Vegas to meet there with my in Laws who we have not seen for over a year. I actually ended up sleeping a maximum of 4 hrs. The sad thing is that it wasn't because I was partying, it was because I had to read! So I got up at 4:45 am and read until 10 am and then would go to breakfast with the in laws. It all sounds like torture but it was worth the sacrifice, to be able to hang with them and Carlos.

The reason why I am soooo anxious about all this?
1) I had to meet with the Chief this morning (originally scheduled for Monday).
2) I have to present in next week's lab meeting and I wanted to present the proposal to the lab then along with the horrible results from my current project.

So how did my meeting with the Chief go you ask... It went well despite the fact that he denied me permission to work on the project that I was proposing. He redirected me in a whole other way. I mean it is still within the playing field but....yeah..
So I still have a new project but now I have to read 1 million other papers inorder to be able to put it together for Quals and my Lab presentation.

With all the drama and exhaustive work that has been going on I haven't been paying attention to my family at all. I missed my mothers birthday and I still have not responded to my cousin's Christmas card or sent her a gift. I wish they could know how stressed out, suicidal, anxious I have been. At the same time I am DYING for a weekend away from this shit hole (grad student prison) with the family. DYING!

The growth of gray hair on my head has become exponential. I look like I am Albert Einstein's grand daughter... without the genius gene.