The Primary is Over...for now.

I turned my primary over to Andreas...
Andreas, just to remind you guys is a post doc in my lab. And he is the best writer we've got in the lab. Everybody turns their papers, grants whatever over to him before giving it to the big boss. It is not just that he is the best writer in the lab, he is a very good writer over all. He has gotten awards, he minored in English..etc etc.
This is why I am so scared what he'll say. I really really want him to say something the likes of, it has quite a few mistakes but I understood it overall. Which is something that most of my friends that have looked over it before have not been able to say. And the fact that my proposal, my baby, has not received good reviews before has just plain depressed me.
This is the first serious proposal I have ever written. I wrote a proposal for a class once last year but I basically wrote it within a weekend. So...yeah not much work went into that and then I had my friends rewrite what i did into English and turned it in. I knew that the professor was not going to read it so I didn't care.
This is different. This is my project. This is HIV, this is a big chunk of my life. It is personal. I am trying to convince myself that Andreas is going to say that it plain sucks and that I should quit grad school and to just expect the worse hope for the best, but it is not working that well.
What I have concluded from all this is that I am still not a good science writer. The positive way to look at this is that, I know that it is a skill that I can develop, I just have to work more on it...
I gave the proposal also to Brian. He was already pointing out a bunch of little mistakes and making fun of me. Which is okay because thats what Brian does. If Brian were a protein I would say, that is the Brian's mechanism.
At the same time I want the proposal to not have that many revisions because I have to write my secondary and I don't have time to work on the primary anymore, not if I want to take the week before the test to study.