The Qual Storm

It has taken so much energy and time to write my primary proposal that I am just too tired and depressed to care about whether I pass or not. I want it over with.
It took me about 3 weeks to write "a" proposal down, then it has taken me 2 weeks to revise the content, and now I have to give it to several people so that they can read and see if they approve, if I wrote it in English, how to translate the hieroglyphics.

I've been so busy with the content, the techniques, the rationale that I haven't taken 5 minutes to look over grammar, smoothness, ass kissing, blah blah blah. And now I am too tired of it to hear about petty corrections. Maybe when I start working on my secondary I'll have some free time away from the primary and be in a better mood.
Sigh....
Carlos and I went to visit his mother. She is sick but she doesn't look or sound it. The woman can't sit for a second. She runs around like a chicken without its head 24hrs a day. It is a relief that at least she is not bed ridden, but even now, she is not taking the best care of herself. I'm also worried about his Dad. Guess I am just worried about everything.

Flying over there and having to return made me realize that having family around is very comforting, almost makes life without it seem...sigh..whats the word I am looking for? meaningless? lonely?
I asked Carlos about this but Carlos doesn't need people. He says he needs me and just me... Which is ultra romantic and sweet, but I need people.
I guess what I am trying to get at is that going over there made me feel like I should have 5 children.

Whatever. I don't even understand myself. I am so tired and paranoid, I don't trust anyone. I am having nightmares almost everyday. I am not looking forward to seeing anyone in lab at all. The only thing I have to look forward to is leaving in December to go to Dominican Republic.